Elf on a Shelf

See the creepy little elf perched on top of the book in the photo above. Well in our house that is "Lil' Santa". AKA - The Bain of My Existence, HELL on a Shelf, irritating little troll, and a few other explicatives that shall not be typed for my family to read.

Now I know alot of you have this little devil in your home and just rave and rave about how fabu the little monster is, but I am here to tell the world the "rest of the story". (shout out to Paul Harvey). EOTS is rather involved so if you don't know the process, I'll explain. EOTS comes with a book and a little troll. The story says that this elf is from Santa especially for you and each night he flies to the North Pole and reports to Santa on your behavior for that day. This is how Santa knows if you have been good or bad. I was always told he just knew and to stop my deviant behavior, but this apparently has been done away with like the other great parent disciplines based soley on "because I SAID SO!" But I digress...so the kid gets to name his own elf. Ben named him Lil' Santa. The elf has magic powers so you can't ever touch him. Thus making him UBER CREEPY sitting on the shelf peering down at you like that frightening little clown in Poltergeist. Oh and the really fun part: Since he flies to the NP each night; he NEVER lands in the same place. So Mommy and Daddy get to move him around every night and then the big "game" is to run around the house and try and find where he landed. Yeah...Christmas, Tooth Fairy and Easter Bunny all in one for like 3 whole weeks. GRRRR.

My mom bought Ben EOTS last Christmas and after briefly thumbing through it, I deemed it "age inappropriate" (code for "I don't want to mess with this yet!") and stuck it in the top of the closet. And I RAVED about it to all my friends about how cute I thought the IDEA of it was. So with joy I pulled it down one night before bed and grabbed my almost-three-mop-top tot and propped him in my lap for what would surely be the first moment of our most favorite holiday tradition. I could not have been more wrong.

As I got deeper and deeper in the book, Ben's eyes got wider and wider and he kept looking at me. Not like, "Oh is there really a Santa. I hope I can be good. Hurray magical Christmas!" It was more a look like, "You have got to be shitting me that this thing is going to be flying around my house and outside." But the true panic was when he figured out he was going to have to go "hunting" for the little troll the next morning. It went something like this:

Ben: He flies where?
Me: To the North Pole.
Ben: In my house?
Me: Well, it isn't like real flying. It's MAGIC flying!
Ben: But in my house?
Me: Well, not really FLYING. But its magic!!!
Ben: And then I have to find him. Do YOU know where he is?

So I talk him off the ledge and then he becomes obsessed with touching "Lil' Santa". I explain he'll lose all his magic and we can't do that because how would Santa ever know if he was bad or good?

Ben: Santa just knows!

um...my child is smarter than I am. Darn right Santa just knows! We don't need "Lil' Santa" flying all over our house!

But I try to stay with it. I place "Lil' Santa" on his dresser and in the dark noticed his eyes aren't so perky blue and the shadow kind of made his nose look long and pointy. Now I am scared of "Lil Santa". So I tuck Ben in with his Daddy and I am off. A little while later there is a fussing noise and lots of chatting going on in Ben's room. Apparently poor Ben had not stopped with the elf (who can blame him) and now Big Daddy Kevin is up at the dresser saying, "Lil' Santa? This is Ben's Daddy. Now I don't want you flying all over my house, do you understand me? You are going to have to use your magic to tell Santa some other way. But don't you fly around my house tonight!" Hysterics! I love my son for making that a rule and I love my husband for bringing down the hammer on that little stuffed monster.

So I am back in there and now we are crying because not only does the book say that this little thing is going to spy on him all day and that he can't ever ever ever touch him or he loses all his magic and is rendered powerless, but NOW he figures out the part of the story that says the elf will leave when Santa comes into your house on Christmas Eve to bring you your toys. I can't tell if Ben is crying over the elf leaving under the cover of night or if he has just realized that Santa is coming IN THE HOUSE, people!?!?!

Off the ledge we come and Ben sits up and says with utmost certainty: "I know, Mommy. I will touch him. He will have no magic and then that will be it!"

I told you he was smarter than me!